She said her name was "party"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
