just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
