I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
