Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
