a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im holly from the hills drunk
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Watching her eat just hurts me
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
