my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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