Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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