need another drink. this is the easiest way
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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