Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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