I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
