I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
