I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm like, not good at living.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
