I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i will never coherently bang her
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
