I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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