Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
