i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
