i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
