i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
