My liver just broke up with me...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
