I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
