Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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