she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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