You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
