maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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