please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
