I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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