I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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