If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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