I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
