he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
