i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
