is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
