He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
