On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
