Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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