She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
