i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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