So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
