Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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