i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
