jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
