There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
