You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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