people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
