Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
