i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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