Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
