I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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