Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
