you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
